Sunday, 29 November 2015

• HELLO! •

(Anyone else just sing that to the tune of Adele's new song?... it can't have just been me)

So... my first blog post since June. JUNE! And to think that since 2013 I'd been writing, scheduling and photographing for blog posts at least twice a week. And now I'm sat here on a Sunday morning, casually painting my nails and feeling like I should just grab my laptop and write. Something I didn't often use to do. Let me explain.

I've had lots of emails from people who are subscribed to my blog asking me where I've been - and to those of you that have emailed me, thank you so much, thank you for taking the time to email me, thank you for wondering how I am and how teaching is going, and thank you for the two of you who emailed asking me for liquid lipstick recommendations! To know that I'm in some of your thoughts and to know that you still search for really does mean the world to me, and is one of the reasons I'm writing this post.

Basically, back when I started this blog, I started it as a random way to express my thoughts and interests. I was in a weird place. I was at the start of a university course and finding things extremely tough, and to be honest, I wanted an outlet and a way to forget about work and studying. I've always absolutely loved make up and have been fascinated at how one day I can decide to look completely natural, and other days I can go out with an orange lip and and a smokey eye - and in both instances, feel completely comfortable. Then things started to get crazy. 

I gained followers (again, thank you - I love you!) and brands started to notice me, I was being sent products and, should I so wish, I would write about them. I would set up my camera and photograph really early on a Saturday morning to catch the natural light (before I bought my soft box) and I would spend my Sunday afternoon writing at least two blog posts for the week. I bloody loved it. But, as with many things I do, I put so much pressure on myself. If I didn't reply to comments, or chat in the weekly #bbloggers chat on Twitter, or reply to a PR email, I would stress out. Now I should mention that this was happening right at the beginning of starting my career as a teacher. I obviously had to work very hard for my job and I also felt like I didn't want to fail my blog. Something had to give.

One morning I woke up late on a Saturday by accident (I'd missed my alarm) and I ran out of bed to go and grab my camera and tripod. I was so stressed about taking photos before the light went down that I ended up dropping my camera and falling over my tripod. I managed to miss the light (which annoyed me even more) and was in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Now, I know that compared to most bloggers, my blog was very small with around 1300 followers so there would be no need to stress, but to me, I'd still want my photography to be perfect even if I had just 1 follower. I honestly was so annoyed with myself that the next morning I woke up at about 6am on a SUNDAY just to get all of my photos taken in time for Monday's post! That's when I decided I needed to stop blogging for a little bit.

I think I've realised the direction I want to take my blog in. Now that I'm 'back' (I sound like a boyband that's had a few years off...) I have some ideas for blog posts planned. I want to take my blog in any direction that I see fit. If I want to write about an eyeshadow palette, I will. If I want to talk about teaching, I will. If I want to show my Yoga routine, I will. I won't, however, feel pressured and stressed like I did back at the beginning of 2015, because that wasn't healthy. I won't be buying make up for the sake of it just so I can post a haul and review lots of new stuff - I still buy make up, of course I do, but not at the alarming rate that I was buying it in 2014. I realised one month that I spent £240 on make up. £240!!! Now that I'm saving for a house and some travelling next year, I understand how far £240 can go.

I love writing, I really do. I keep a journal on my bedside table and I write in it when I'm stressed or had a bad day, and I also write what I'm grateful for. I do this maybe a few nights a week. And it feels good! It makes me feel like I did when I first started my blog - free, and creative, and a way to express myself. And that's where I want to get back to.

So I've written this post in 20 minutes with a cup of tea and a Wispa. It hasn't taken me hours on end fiddling with lighting, F stop, witty comments. I've just written from the heart with no edits, no nothing. And I feel perfectly happy to put this up.

I want to again say a huge thank you to those of you that still read this blog and have emailed me. It genuinely makes me so so happy to log into my emails and see that some of you are still commenting on posts that I wrote in 2013! I'm also extremely grateful to those of you that have emailed me asking how I am, telling me how much you miss my posts, and that you've recreated my 'get ready with me's'. That brightens up my day no end (and I always chew my boyfriends ear off about how lovely you all are!!)

Posts won't be scheduled like they used to be and they may not always have a specific theme (eg. beauty and fashion) but I really hope you enjoy them nonetheless. I've changed so much since I started this blog and I want that to also come across in my blog. We're changing all of the time, growing into different people and forming new opinions, and I have so much more to talk about now than I did a few years ago. I personally cannot wait to get back into blogging - but I'll be doing it in a much more relaxed way this time.

Daniela xo
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